孤戀花
今天去看台北電影節其中的一部中文電影-- 孤戀花,一部改編自白先勇作品的電影
那是一部敘說國民黨退守來台時的悲情愛情故事,電影探討了在那樣動盪不安的年代中,女人間的愛情與對生命的詮釋,整個故事環繞著三個女人:雲芳,一個風華絕代的上海舞小姐,五寶,一位雲芳深愛的女孩子,也同時深深被來自台灣的音樂家三郎所愛慕,及娟娟,一位雲芳來台灣後因工作認識的酒店小姐
故事開始,三郎帶著五寶準備搭船逃離大陸到台灣,而五寶選擇了自己對生命的期望,她下了船,決定回去找雲芳,這也讓三郎與五寶就此分開,三郎痛撤心扉的為了五寶寫了孤戀花這首歌,不幸地,五寶與雲芳於逃難來台時在路途上過世,留下雲芳及三郎對她永遠的思念
來台後,雲芳依舊從容輕盈地周旋在男人的慾望世界間,她認識了同為酒家女的娟娟,一個喚起她內心深處記憶的女孩,雲芳見到娟娟被流氓客人柯老雄欺負,不惜花費接濟娟娟來與她同住,只為了確定娟娟不再受人欺負,或許是因為懷念她曾經失去的五寶,也或許是本身對女人命運的執著,雲芳就在義不容辭的幫忙中,漸漸將自己對五寶的情感,轉移到娟娟身上
娟娟沒有聽雲芳的話,接受了柯老雄的毒品,並不斷的被他蹂躪,也幾乎害雲芳受到柯老雄的欺負,在一次柯老雄對娟娟的蹂躪之下,喚起了娟娟對於身為女人的認同與勇氣,為了阻止柯老雄對她的欺負,憤而用熨斗打死了柯老雄
三個女人在不同的際遇中堅持著對女人本質的認同,及便是在傳統中國看輕女人的價值觀裡,三個女人仍舊堅持著對自由的信仰,五寶非但沒選擇遵照傳統文化安分地跟一個男人廝守終身,而決定遵從自己的自由意志選擇下了船,娟娟在面對傳統中國文化對於女人不公平的價值觀與批評之餘,在殺掉柯老雄的那一瞬間,也選擇了以這樣的方式替女人的命運出了一口氣,而雲芳,在從事酒店工作遭社會批評之餘,決定坦然的面對自己的選擇,這樣的情緒可以在片尾中她與昔日上海女同事的對話中看出,那是在生命中歷經滄桑後對許多事情的超脫態度,這些都是需要勇氣才能承受的,在我看來,電影中的三個女人,擁有的是面對那樣荒唐動盪不安的人生的勇氣,那樣的勇氣令人動容
我其實不是很喜歡悲觀的電影,但或許就如同導演說的:"就是在這樣悲慘的人生挫折中所顯示出對生命的韌性,更能表達那些時代中的女人對生命的執著與勇氣",我想那樣的執著是很美麗的
HApPY BiRthDAy, SAnDy
Dear Sandy,
Happy Birthday and a kiss for you, though I knew we'll have a party for you tomorrow.
I can't wait! My following weekends will be full of parties, hooray!!!!!!!!! :D
p.s.: I finally knew how to get my post with a photo attached. :) good progress!
到不了的地方,就用食物吧!台客與導演的寶島摩托車之旅
我很少可以看書看的這樣快｡
閱讀這本書<<到不了的地方,就用食物吧!台客與導演的寶島摩托車之旅>>的第二個半夜,我幾乎看完了半本
這是一本比我原本預期好看很多的書:很好笑,很細膩,很感人,句句寫道心坎裡,讓我一度有種感動到想哭得感受｡
書中,一位企業家台客與一位導演在年過30依舊單身的年歲,有天突然興起了騎著機車去流浪的念頭,兩個大男人一路騎到了阿里山信義鄉 ⎯ 一個嚴重被土石流毀損慘重的地方 ⎯ 開始了他們的探險,一個對味覺,對人生及對記憶的探險｡
書中的許多文字,是導演寫來詢問自己心中答案的問題,也像是來詢問讀者及社會價值觀的問題,讓我在細讀文本中的每一句話時,不斷地在腦中及心中思考許久,第一次,我覺得我可以藉由文字和作者有一種莫名的心靈相通,彷彿我就是作者,可以很真實很踏實的知道他想表達的意思,在那一瞬間,我心中浮現了一絲絲的悸動,我覺得我像是書中去旅行的人｡
人總有過去的記憶和難忘的回憶,兩個大男人在一路上的探險中,不但打開了他們對人生的看法,也打開了通往他們回憶的窗,藉著過去回憶感受再次湧上心頭的感動,他們對自己的人生有了些許的釋懷及了解｡在導演很細膩的文筆下,我覺得這本書所呈現的,並不是緬懷過去的憂傷氣氛,取而代之的,是更多對未來生命的期許及希望｡我想,是那樣的希望讓我覺得感動｡
Fetish in books
I like buying books. The habbit started when I was in Sydney years ago. But my reading speed is far slower than the frequency of book purchase. Therefore, I owned lots of books which are only half-read. Some are even just for decoration.
I bought four new books this week. One is the computer guide book titled AppleWorks, which teaches you how to operate the AppleWork program with mac computers. I bought myself an ibook last year and still in deep love with it. In order to show great passion for Mac and the ambition to overcome the adaptation for the new system, I decided to really try the Mac life. Just like the the book The Cult of Mac said "The Macintosh is more than a computer, it's a way of life. This book is about what it is to be a Macintosh person. It gives insight into the greatest love and loyalties of any product of our era." I aim to be a Macintosh person!
The other books includes one English fiction titled Bergdorf Blondes, one Chinese travel journal "Anywhere, Somewhere, Nowhere" of two Taiwanese men who went backpacking around the Taiwan Island on their scooters, giving a great insight of Taiwanese culture, and an intersting book tited Obsession.
Obsession is a book studying what obsession is and its difference from habbit. I found it interesting because I started to think I have the obsession of book purchase. In that book, it said the obsession relates to the flaw of human characteristics. Poeple begin to subconsciously focus on one thing as the obsession shows because they used to lack of that one thing in their life. So the obsession action looks like the supplement to the flaw. Therefore, I surmise my fetish in book comes from my reading habbit in my childhood. I hardly read books when I was a kid and it's not even qualified to be called a habbit. So I became a crazy book buyer. It feels like I'm eager to show I've read a lot, and the theory makes sense in this way.
Book Info:
The Cult of MacObsession(癖理由)Anywhere, Somewhere, Nowhere(到不了的地方,就用食物吧-台客與導演寶島摩托車之旅)
Shoes and Me
I love high-heel shoes as much as I love men.
If there would be one thing that can cheers me up all the time, I guess shoes purchase would be one of them.
I'm a shoe lover, but also a shoe killer. I guess my steps are quite heavy or I often run for catching the train on my high-heels. That kills my shoes a lot. With breaking several pairs of shoes and being with the extreme desperate desire for new foot wearer, I bought myself two pairs of new high-heel sandals this week, both are from Nine West, one of my favorite brand.
An embarrasing incident happened today while I went to downtown with my friend Sandy. I wore a pink striped mini skirt and a pair of old sandals (sort of the flip-flop style.) I fell off and the force of falling down brokes the string tied on my sandals. So the string went off the shoe bottom, which means I can't even wear it for walking any step away. In order to get myself a foot wearer to get home, I walked in bare foot on the sidewalk, crossed the street, and entered the shopping center, the 101 Building. I rushed into the Nine West shop, and bought myself a new pair of 3-inched pink high-heel sandals, the third pair of shoes I've bought within this week (God! That's a lot I know. I'll be so short and broken for a while because I've also bought myself a new dress for my friend's farewell party.) After trying on that beautiful elegant toe-open shoes of Enzo Angiolini, I talked to the seller lady "I'll take it! Don't pack it coz I'll wear it now, and just throw away the old one." That was indeed a good feeling. I mean to buy the new one and get rid of the old one righ away. That's something I've never done before. It feels like throwing away a crappy relationship, getting rid of a dodgy lover and finding a great new one.
Walking in my new shoes, I felt quite good except the 3-inched heels pinched me a bit. Sandy insisted that I looked fabulous in that shoes, but she doesn't know how much that would pinch my feet. I guess, just like the relationship, no one knows where the shoe pinches like the wearer. And we always only see the beautiful side of people's relationship and never understand the problem in it. Therefore, we never have the right to criticize or judge others' love life.
P.S.: I'm going to a wedding on this weekend. And I plan to wear my new elegant shoes, which makes me look fabulous!
Independence
I found people gradually become dependent on their the others as the relationship goes steady, because you share emotion, life and everything, and you spend time together. Then we begin to expect our partners to play the companion role well. We gradually get used to the life style of having a good mate to share our stories and life. I guess that's why break-up is always heartbreaking. It makes people lonely and makes it difficult to get the life back on track, because you'll need to reform a new life style, but only by yourself. And that's harsh enough!
I'm conscious that I should be reasonable to let my boyfriend own his privacy and time for his leisure, social activities and whatsoever. I often wonder to what extent should we 'free' them and it is still viewed as reasonable and acceptable.
My boy is going to take GMAT exam in a few days. He's quite intensed about it with high expectation from his family. So I promised not to bother his life and interrupt his study plan during this week, and I did! I arrange my days with lots of catch-up with old friends, work and other chores. Out of surprise, I found myself much enjoying in my 'new independent life,' which is very carefree and comfortable, though sometimes I still miss him a lot. Then that triggers my thought that human beings are controdictionary animals. We become eager for companion when we are alone, and we start to complain losing freedom when we have our boyfriends/girlfriends. I guess people never get satisfied and life always seem a bit less than perfect. But that's how it works in reality. We come to learn many things -- negotiation, compromising, and sharing. And that makes life worthy!
surfing myth
I seriously thought about one question today: Can flat-feet person go surfing?
I reckon the answer is yes, but only they never ever successfully stand on the board, because they can barely keep balanced on the ground.
Quite a boring question and life!
Marriage nightmare
I finished the bloody GRE exam yesterday. Good riddance! But I think I might resit the exam in Oct for higher score in order to apply for Northwestern Uni, which would probably only be my pipedream!
It has been a tight day yesterday and I arrived home around 4 am after a midnight movie 'Mr.&Ms. Smith' with friends. I went to bed around 5 and I had a nightmare about marriage then. In the dream, I was suddenly settled with a marriage contract with my boyfriend. The wedding was set to take place in a week. I was crying hard for cancelling the wedding because I felt I was too young for marriage and I wasn't ready for settle-down anyway. I love my boyfriend in real life, but I was quite surprised by my reaction in the dream. I'm never aware that I still hold a refusal toward marriage after so many years carrying a strong distrust in marriage, and don't even mention about the kids. They are evils to me right now.
With my age approaching to the 'perfect marriage age,' I began to wonder what makes one decide to step into marriage with his/her beloved. I never have that passion in my love life, and it's horrible enough to just think about it. People say long relationship makes people lose the passion for entering the marriage stage. I wonder if I can survive without getting married but have a wonderful partner(s) in my life (nah...I'm not that greedy. I'm a pro-monogamy person.)
All of sudden, I feel that those people who choose marriage are BRAVE!
Breakdown
Filled with lassitude, my day was quite fucked up with a nerve breakdown today, which made me cried. I guess half reason is from the pressure of the GRE exam that is set to take place tomorrow. And the other half is from the sorrow of losing friends.
I met two of my good female mates, A. and J., last week. It was a weird feeling to see J. after such a long seperation. Lots of things has happened during the past months and she's changed a lot. I was keen to help her out her shitty problems but I gave up at the end. I guess I was kind of nervous while talking to her that day because we used to be so close and now she's like a total stranger to me. And that dissapoints me a lot.
A. is leaving Taiwan for Scotland in a few weeks for her advanced study. I never know her leave would influence me so much but it does. I felt quite sad about it actually. As growing older, I feel it's harder to find true friends. And it's never easy for me. I was hit by a strong Sydney nastalgia when I returned back to Taiwan years ago. It was truely difficult for me overcome the re-adjustment obstacle beacuse all my good friends were all abroad by that time. I was lonely and helpless for a while. I guess A.'s leave reminds of me of that feeling. And I am really scared about the loneliness.
Thanks Simon, my dear boyfriend, who has been a great spiritual support to me while I was down. I know I became quite emotional lately, but you always know how to cheer me up. Thanks A. for inspiring me all the time and sharing all the bads and goods with me. I'm still glad for your move-on. And I believe you'll be successful in the future. Just remember I love you and that would never fade away. And I would also want to say to J. that I miss you a lot. Hope I'll see you soon and I'll see a bright smile on your face then. :)
Monologue
I often wonder to what extent can you reveal yourself to your loved ones, such as your life partner, your family or best mate? Can secrets be allowed to exist in between? Or you can just present the full of you in front of them without worrying if it would be disturbing to others?
I questioned myself a lot these days that how can two people keep working on the relationship if they hold distinct values? I wonder to what extend should I compromise myself to complete the relationship if I really love one. I want to know what kind of passion and affinity makes two people want to get married?
I said this is not because I want to get married. In fact, I feel more terrified when I think of it more.
I never understand why people feel lonely and unhappy when they can't find the other in their life, but they begin worrying even more when they have one? I wonder why happiness always drift away so quickly. Maybe I'll be happier if I could know the answers, maybe not.
Shall we dance?
I watched a fab movie today -- Shall We Dance.
The story is about a mid-aged man who has a perfect family and successful carreer suddenly feels empty and lost in his dull life, albeit he almost has everything. He's rich, handsome, he's with everything, but he's not happy. So he began the ballroom dance learning without telling anyone, not even his family. Dancing not only brighted him up, but gradually overweighed any other things in his daily life. His increasing passion to dance aroused his wife's suspicion on him for having an affair. And the relationship between the couple went frozen when the wife found the husband was deceiving her from telling her the truth. While the whole movie was dance in abundance, I think it also points out the crucial factor in the relationship between human, especially between those mid-aged couples who may be encountered with problems in their marriage. I really fancy the ending because it is sooooooo sweet and realistic. It makes you feel the happiness comes from the simple thing -- sharing. And we often neglect it easily.
I often wonder how it would be like when you have a marriage for thrity years, or even longer. Will the life be dull because days wouldn't be much changed and surprising? And how can love be sustained under this ambiance? I might be too young to understand this, but I really like what the wife told the detective that she hired to investigate on her husband's affair.
They were discussing why people get married in one plot.
The detective said 'Passion.'
Then she said "We need a witness to our life. You promise to take care of each other in life. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all the time, every day. You said your life will not be noticed because I'm watching it. I said your life will not go unwitnessed because I will be your witness."
Dance is like a relationship, which needs both parties to be deeply involved, then you can dance out a beautiful movement of music. Losing any part wouldn't contribute a perfect dance. I always remember what Cindy told me when we were learning salsa. She said men may be dominant in running a relationship, just like dancing, where man is responsible for leading the whole moves. But women also need to comprehend that they have the choice to decide whether they accept the invitation to dance or not.
I like the movie because it tells that people often easily forget the precious things that they used to have, and much more often to lose the courage to regain it back. And you need to have the faith in your pursuit, for it will give you the confidence to belive you can move on. Life can be wonderful if we know we have owned enough. And I'm enjoying in my life now because I know I have the courage to dance, and I can do it beatifully.
So, shall we dance?
Nostalgia
I had a dream last night that I went back to Sydney. I was surrounded by the blue sky and fresh air that Taipei doesn't have as I stepped out of the airport of Sydney city. The sky still resembled the one I had seen when I first arrived in Sydney years ago. Cindy (my good mate in Australia) and her mom drove to pick me up. In the car, I looked out of the window and saw the erect palm trees locating along the bays. Beyond the bay was the familiar scene of the sappire ocean and blue sky that haunts the city. The line between the seawater and sky went blurring as the car passed by quickly, and so were my eyes. I felt like HOME exactly. I guess the nostalgia made me feel crying, both in the dream and the reality.
Cindy suggested to go for the dinner with her family for welcoming my visit after such a long seperation. While I was thinking about the fancy cozy restaurant in the Rocks, Cindy's dad suggested to go for the Chinese food. As I opened the menu, all I could see was the dish category and pictures of vegetables such as mushroom and 'alga' (and that was the vocabulary I tried to memerize when preparing for GRE exam yesterday.) It obviously tells that the exam really stressed me out. (laugh)
The dream went short but real. I realized I miss Sydney still. How much and how quickly can one forget one place? How come I could just wiped out the 19-year long memories of Taipei during the ten-month time in Sydney, but I just can't get over the Sydney nostalgia now?
