Seesaw
People play seesaw in a relationship. Sometimes one would be on a higher position with more dominance than the other. The relationship is not neccesarily kept in a balanced way, or hardly, I would say. Just like Agelina Jolie in the movie Mr & Ms. Smith, she acts a wonder woman who is superior to his husband in many ways. She, with sexy beauty and body and the charming confidence, could probably be the only woman on earth whom I envy a lot. I mean she's so tough that makes her attractive and she's so powerful that she can get any man she wants. In a relationship, one would degrade him/herself to be on the same position with the other when being superior to the other half. Brad Pitt, the Mr. Smith, thought he's superior to his wife and consider himself the one who degrade himself in a relationship. In fact, his wife is the superior in every ways. Without the myth, Mr. Smith wouldn't be able to maintain his superior complex to run the relationship. He could probably just be killed by his wife as easy as you can imagine.
Men in the society occupies the superiority because they are physically stronger than women, which endows the men with the privilege to do many things that women can't do. In their unconsciousness, they regard themselves with more mature mental development and consider women emotional. Hence, some men feel they degrade themselves to be on the same position with women when they love a woman. In a relationship, I think it would be definitely difficult to build up an equivalent communication in between if there is an obvious gap between the superior and inferior, unless the strong degrade themselves to be with the weak, or the weak upgrade themselves to be on the same position. Nevertheless, a compatible couple may also not work out a happy-ending because the communication would be much more than a big task to proceed and learn. When both sides become self-centered, they refuse to accept people's comments. And the bad communication becomes the killer to the relationship.
While men regard women emotional, women charge men of lacking the ability to communicate. Couples always have endless disputes to argue about as what I've just been through these days. Then, I realized men and women come from different planets and they are much distinct at essence. It's never fair to request the other half to do what you want them to do. We should come to learn how to love people, but not in a way that you love them. We should come to learn to understand each other to avoid the love faux pas.
Storm
As a strong typhoon hitting Taiwan last night, my relationship was also stroke by a serious argument between me and Simon. We almost broke up for different values as the first time that we are exposed so closely to that bottom line. I almost forgot how I felt by that time.
I don't know why I still want to give it a try even though my insist looks so funny in a way I can see. I don't know why I still choose to believe it even though I know how hard it can be. I couldn't sleep but hear the violent storm outside of the window after I hung up the phone at 6. Then, I realized, I'm a fool after all, and I feel hurt for being so honest to him.
Yes, I am hurt.
Creamy Chicken Curry
My interest toward cooking was suddenly triggered these days as I discovered a cookbook from the dusty shelf. The book gives a great guidance to cook various ethnic food. So I tried my first dish today -- Creamy Chicken Currry.
That is a dish containing a strong flavour of coconut milk and curry. And the red capsium combines the mixed flavour quite well. I would say that is a very delicious Thai dish!
Check the photo for the debut of my first dish!
mental test
I occasionally took one mental test. The result came out as below:
你是個喜歡冒險，酷愛自由的人。想像力豐富的你，個性獨立，不大在乎別人對你的觀點。特別厭惡陳舊的觀念，及外來的束縛。不斷冒險、接受未知的挑戰，有助於你的成長。物質生活對你來說，不算頂重要，你注重的是精神及藝術生活的充實。
愛情方面，對婚姻抱特懷疑態度的你，深怕因此失去自由。進入熱戀階段後，你嚮往的是溫柔而有默契的伴侶，更布望他時常為帶來意多的驚喜。
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I used to see myself as one of those 'practical' persons, who never care about their spiritual fulfillment in life. As growing older and getting more understand of what a person I am, I gradually believe I belong to the 'romantic' group of people, who conduct things based on feelings at a large scale.
I like the part it said at the end about my attitude toward love because every words depict my attitude quite accurate and sharp. I do hope I can be lucky to find a life partner who is attractive to me physically, and, meanwhile, that we are correspondent to each other spiritually. However, it hardly goes as what you wish in reality. You might find someone who attracts you a lot physically but there's little that you are connected spiritually, or vice versa. I couldn't help wonder how can we make our decision while facing the dilemma of choosing a side of the two under the reality that perfectness is rarely occur in life. What if you found someone who appears as the soul mate but there's just no chemistry between you? What if you found someone attractive, charming and a great match in life, but there's little spiritual connection between you? I'm wondering which one can overweigh the other, either physical or spiritual concern. How can we know he/she could be the one and you can stop searching for the Mr/Ms Right?
Try your test :
http://www.dadupo.com.tw/play/test-1.htm
dounut
I know I've been bored and shouldn't play with food. But I couldn't help to take this pic when I bought the dounuts from the famous shop Mr. Dounuts. The one on my finger was strawberry flavour. And I was on no make-up with my new glasses. :)
Progress
I had just been through a big thing last weekend -- the first formal meet-up between my family and Simon's family. Actually we went for a two-day trip over the weekend. I was very tensed and nervous about this because I never think I'm ready for the meet-up, even now after all the things have called an end. I never run a relationship in my life so seriously and so involved with the family issue. So you can imagine the tense was strong enough to mess up my life order in the past weeks.
April, my good mate, buzzed me right after I came back to the city and asked how is that going. I guess I've been too nervous to feel about everything. I'm still feeling the trip was so unreal like it never happen. And the worse is that I took it like it didn't happen, because, for now, that would be the only way to make me feel much better.
I told myself today "Claire, you were not ready, and you still are."
God, I just don't know how to get a balance betweent the two different values, while their family is so conventional and mine is quite liberal.
Duality
With growing up in the traditional Chinese culture background and the Westernized liberal way of education from my parents, I see a duality in my values. I can't stand the way that people do things or judge things here in Taiwan. But at the same time, I can somehow understand their reason to do so. It's a weird feeling because you can explain for them like you agree for what they've done. But at the same time, you have different way of doing things. That makes me feel I have myself split in the inner me, which head to different directions of life. Sometimes I don't feel so true about living because my thoughts might change into a total different value tomorrow when I wake up. And that's just unreal enough.
Pinky Pink
I used to hate pink colour without reasons. The colour always gives me an image that only bimbos would go for that. With the unconscious resistance to be attached with that image, I naturally refused to accept any pink-colour stuff in my life. So all my clothes, shoes, room decorations were choosed to be the boyish colours such as black or blue. Somehow, I began to fall in love with the pink colour these two years. I bought pink skirts, pink high-heel sandals, pink purses and days ago I bought myslef a set of pink bed sheet, a very delicated rosy colour silk one, making me feel like a princess while lying on it.
I think colour carries magical elements that it can actually change one's mood and feeling. While I was lying on my bed with the new sheet last night, I suddenly feel I'm very sexy just like what women should be. And that feeling cheers me up. :) I believe colours can reveal one's personality and the message he/she wants to express.
So what colour do you think you belong to?
Second try on surfing
I went surfing at a north beach last weekend. It was my second time trying, but not much progress was made due to the non-wave condition that day. The beach we went was sort of the tourist-spot place and all I could see was big bunches of people there. It was crowded in the seawater with approximately 150+ people doing surfing, making the beach looks like a kiddy pool.
I tried to get a nice tan, and it ended that I got a bad sunburn on my back, which is really painful, and some additional scrapes on my tummy due to the surfing activity. I'm already looking forward to the summer get-away trip to the south in mid-August. I'm ready to catch the wave at Kenting!
Party
It's 5:08 am and I just arrived home.
Simon threw a birthday party tonight to celebrate his 26's. Simon's classmates, homey and colleagues all came, and so do some of my homegirls, who brought the party tonight into a climax. It indeed ended as a crazy party with all the people doing all the crazy things in the club. I lost my voice, and can't even figure out what exactly happened out there during the past few hours.
On my way back home on the cab alone, I felt more sentimental all of a sudden, which is different from how I used to feel after I left the party. Some of my friends at Simon's party are going abroad for their advanced study soon. I guess it'll be difficult to have all the people together and just have fun like what we did tonight. I know in my mind I'm going to miss that feeling a lot.
