Clairewhispers

lesson

I guess there are many things in the world that the textbook doesn't teach us. Even if it does by preaching us the correct logics and reason to do things, to behave ourselves, sometimes it just doesn't go in that way in reality. And at the most of the time, it's even more difficult than any equations in mathematics or any tests in school. Interpersonal relaitonship would be one of the toughest tests in life, and unfortunately, it cannot just be functioned by any equations like what we do in math. It comes in deeper complex.

I had a smooth process during my childhood and grow-up. I was taught with the value of justice, of benevolence and kindness. I guess that's what made me naive, even at the age of 23. I was taught to treat people with sincere true heart. I always have the faith in life and believe in the good. Apparently, that's just not enough if I'm going to face the bigger real world. I need to learn its language to make my speech appropriate for facilitating the communication practice.

Simon and I got different background on each side. There was a dinner last week between our two families that triggered the conflicts of value in between. His mom got angry at me with the reason I don't know, but would probably be imaginable. That threw me a variable in our relationship as well as my value. I came to realize that there are numerous people who hold distinct value from mine. However, for that reason, I started to carry doubts in my faith or the relationship. I used to think naively that simply being me would be the best way for Simon's parents to know me since they are not my colleagues, clients or the acquantances on the street. That doesn't need the fake me to ornament the relationship with his parents. I do still respect them and even like them. However, my confidence got trembled. For the first times in a long time, I don't know what I can do. I feel helpless.

Friends once asked me why I would need to manage this issue at such a young age since I'm not marrying Simon yet. For one second, I did have that question in my mind. I've been asking myself that for a thousand times. But I'm not a quitter. I know there will be one day eventually that I need to confront the issue if I really want to maintain the relationship. And I need to be brave.

I'm glad from the bottom of my mind that I can have a wonderful parents and lovely friends in my life. I want to thank my dear mom who always encourages me to think positively and provides me with the direction to move on. I thank my dad who tried his best to cheer up his dear daughter, to make her laugh every time when she was down, and to teach her how to forgive. I thank my friends who always be so supportive and concerned in company. I would like to thank Simon especially for being a sweet boyfriend and providing a strong shoulder to cry on, notwithstanding he is the sandwich man who need to face the most pressure.

I guess that I can only do my best and god will do the rest. I'm learning to grow up and hope one day I can be understood.

I feel I'm stronger.

posted by Claire @ 1:21 AM